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I've just been bumming around since I've been back. It feels miserable being back. I'm lacking energy and motivation to do anything productive. One of the reasons for wanting to study abroad was to leave Charlotte, and just to get away from the place and the people here.

The situation in Charlotte is still the same, unfortunately. Same people, same excuses, same bullshit, all of which are still glaringly obvious. Nothing here ever seems to change for the better.

I know I shouldn't let myself wallow in this self-pity and that I should be proactive, but just being here in my room makes the whole study abroad thing feel as if it never really happened. I have to snap out of this or else I might undo everything that studying abroad has taught me which is that if you want something bad enough you will do whatever it takes to make it happen.

So what is it that I want?

I want to get the hell out of Charlotte and see my friends again.

Leaving

And so the day to depart from Kaikan finally rolled around. It rained the day I left, of course. I was unable to get any sleep for the 2 days prior to leaving because of exams and packing and I did not wish to spend my last hours in Japan asleep, rather I wanted to spend it with the people I might not ever get to see again.

The airplane ride was definitely a nice preview of the America I knew so well. I flew on United Airlines and those flight attendents must have big furry hamsters shoved very far up their asses because they were bitchy and irritable as hell. Seriously those United Airlines flight attendents were rude and snapped at everyone and acted like sunshine came from their ass.

"CHICKEN OR BEEF!?! HONEY WHAT CHU WANT!" God Bless America.

I'm back in Charlotte now. It feels as if the whole study abroad thing never happened, and that it was just a dream. I met up with some friends the first night I got back, and things feel the same, yet different, I just felt so very out of place. I'm sure the jetlag doesn't help my emotional state either.

I miss everyone at the Kaikan so very much and wish we didn't have to go our separate ways after becoming such close friends. It was never this hard leaving my friends in Charlotte when I went to Japan, and I've known them for so many years. So why was it so difficult to leave some folks I had only known for such a short time period? Because...

A goodbye isn't painful unless you're never going to say hello again

Keep that thought in mind and let us definitely plan to meet again sometime in life.

All Aboard the Emo-Train

Today is never the same as yesterday and tomorrow will never be the same as today. Sometimes you have a really shitty day and hope to never experience that day again. But then there are times when it’s great and you wish those days could go on forever.

I’ve done a lot of growing up while here in Japan. But in some aspects I’ll forever be a kid when it comes to goodbyes. I spent most of today bawling my eyes. I'm such a child.

Whenever it comes to goodbyes, you can always keep in touch through letters and such but it will never be the same again. You can never meet up face to face to just shoot the breeze. You can no longer talk about the plans on what to do for the upcoming weekend, and what to cook for dinner that night. Conversation slowly becomes more difficult and few and far in between. You soon find yourselves only talking about the past and reminiscing together about the good times gone by. But life still goes on, and you eventually become just a distant memory to one another.

Blame it on the circumstances of life.

I know this post is such a downer so I'll end it on a positive note. It doesn't matter where you are, or what you do, it matters most who you are with. This whole experience abroad would not have been as meaningful as it was without everyone here.

2 Weeks

No matter how full each day is it still doesn't feel like it's enough to stop me from feeling sad about leaving. In a way, I'm ready to leave Japan and go back home. It has been an amazing experience to live in Japan these past 10 months, but the time is coming for me to go back to America.

It's the little things which I will miss so dearly, like the bike rides out to the aquarium to get ice cream, or just bumming out by the river at night with the picnic mats. Even the bike rides to and from school were enjoyable regardless of the rain, wind, or the extremely freakishly hot weather.

But what made these outtings enjoyable were the people there. Being able to hang out with you guys is what I will miss the most about Japan. The memories I've made here will definitely stay with me forever.